I've finally had some time to sit back and reflect on what I've accomplished this year. I haven't published much of my return to competitive sport this year and perhaps buoyed by the support I've received towards the end of the season I feel the need to mention it. Read on if you are interested in my perspectives of returning to football after 7 years off.

I weighed a staggering 85kg at the start of this year and as shocking as this was for me it's been the catalyst for the single most dynamic change in my life. I linked up with the Old Carey Soccer Club for their intensive pre-season training regime with no more intention than to prove to myself I could lose the weight and that I could still play football well. I was merciless on myself in those early months, never failing to miss a training session, even the early morning Saturday ones. But a 7 year absence of physical activity was not kind to me. Despite shedding 15kg by April I could still not run out games and would usually come off the bench for about 20 minutes much to the dismay of some of my team mates who justifiably perhaps didn't see much in my ability.

As the season progressed there was still one hurdle in my way. Confidence isn't something that can't be bought and my constant thought that I had forgotten how to play soccer kept being reinforced. I found myself at training being reminded of things I couldn't do, rather than concentrating on things I could. I left training sessions angry and upset at myself and at others. Despite wanting to turn it in on more than a few occasions I knew that I had to stick it out.

I turned a corner after throwing myself into a week long soccer binge, consisting of normal training, two nights training solo, a game of indoor, a game with the seconds and thirds teams, which all culminated in a conversation I had with a teammate. He pointed out that the best players in the world have no doubt about what they are going to do. Before they act, they know in their heads they are going to do it. If they don't, they just focus on the next one because they know they can. I didn't understand at first but after relating it to my own game I found just how important belief is. It's something I had when I played in school and it's something I've found again.

The season is drawing to an end now with only two games left and I find myself pushing for a starting spot most weekends. I am as fit as I've ever been. I am happy for the most part. Praise is more forthcoming and I find myself with a smile on my face at training and at games. I have the team to thank for all of it.

But with all this comes a sense of disappointment. The very fact it's taken me so long to get back into the game saddens me greatly. It feels as if I've wasted a lot of time getting to this point and the things I wasted my time with haven't been at all worth it. My mind wanders to not wanting to travel just so I can go to pre-season next year, something that sounds completely ridiculous when I say it, but feels correct in my mind. It is vitally important to me that I am involved again next year.

I don't know what's going to happen, I just know that with this hurdle conquered the next one awaits.